Yes.We're going to talk about forgiving others. The ting about forgiveness is you have to identify the problem. You must think about why it is a problem for you as well. For instance, perhaps the person does something that aggravated you in the past. The past is over, you've moved on, but the feeling is still there. The feeling is simply buried Ah...but nightmare of nightmare this person has come and unearth what you buried years ago. Nothing is left now, but the skeleton. However, we are not going to stuff it in a closet. We are going to set our-self free. You can only do that by forgiving. Lets get something straight right now. This is not about religion, this is not a sermon...this is just a tried and true technique. Forgiveness is therapeutic. There is actually "Forgiveness Therapy". According to Dr. Ryan However, there are four points to forgiving someone. I agree on each point, but right now we will start with point "B". We'll get to the rest later
The effective attempts tend to share four common elements.
- A. Express the emotion
- B. Understand why
We began by recognising the feeling, and we have expressed the emotion. Now we are going to dig a little deeper. It is incredibly is important to know why we feel the way we do. Look at it like this; if you ate something that turned your stomach you simply wouldn't eat it again. However, if it'd anger, it is possible to find it irresistible. There are people who are inclined to stay in abusive relationships, however only you can say how heavily this weighs on you. As far as abusive relationships there are two main reasons people stay in them.
First, it is financial. It may be a spouse, or it may be your boss. You can be stuck in a job you want to leave for various reasons, the main one is money...maybe medical insurance. So, until you can leave you have to find away to function where you are. I know, its not very pleasant but it's true.
Second, you may think you can change the person. If we are truthful to ourselves, we have to confess that in every day life, we can only change ourselves. Maya Angelou famously said " “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” That is true. The only person you can change is yourself. You can't even change your children, they are in training, and that is very different. You do have to write out what makes you so angry about this person. That will take you to the action part.
Here's the action part. I want you to pray. Hold on now! You really have something to believe in. You believe in anger, why not believe in freedom from anger? I don't care what or who you believe in. It can be God on high, or it can be a doorknob. The point is believe in something and pray. This is not a "holy" prayer so to speak. That is, you would not hear it in a house of worship. In this prayer you are going to express your anger to God. That means you are going to pray just what you feel it is okay to spew anger and even say what you want to do to this person. Scream and shout, shake you fist and stomp your feet. Do what ever it takes Shocking right?
Remember this is not the kind of prayer we have been told about, neither is this God as has been described to you. This is your God and your prayer. It is therapeutic. It will probably take more than one time. Don't worry about being "churchy", just say what it is. Say what you feel like saying, whatever that may be. There is one stipulation though. You must ask for the feeling to be removed. That's the art of forgiveness. Trust me, you are going to feel better. Praying usually is done on your knees. You don't have to do that though. Perhaps it seems submissive.
Think about this though. Submissive imply's it's a mission. Guess what? Everything is a mission. It can be an ad-mission, a trans-mission, an o-mission, or a sub-mission. Whatever that mission may be you own it. No one can make you submit to anything. If it it is a mission you own it! So, if you want to get on your knees then do it fearlessly. If you will feel better another way do it. It is your mission so you have to complete it yourself. You are in control. I like that to tell you the truth! Keep doing it as long as you need to. All you are doing is expressing you anger, and you are believing in something other that how this person makes you feel. Ready? Okay lets get started.