Saturday, February 11, 2017

What Do You Do if You Honestly Don't Like Someone?

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Recently, I confessed on Face Book that there was a person I did not like. After I posted I immeiately felt awful! Realistically, no one wants to hear about what things are unlike-able. Christians go to church to  pray and hear the gospel, fire and brimstone not so much. Gospel means good news, and it is good news that gives us hope. Good news moves us to feelings of love, and love is a life giving force. Those who love often live longer,

Another factor is involved that has good points as well as bad. That factor is honesty.  I thought it was the right thing to do because I discovered that I truly didn't like a person. It was a sudden awareness that I had not been being honest. In being honest I found that I don't have to say bad things about this person ever again. I don't have to destroy the guy! I honestly do not like him, for me that is truth and it is freeing.

Nevertheless, my honesty is not necessarily freeing for others. Let us assume you gain a couple of pounds. Then I come to you and say, "you look fat". Whereas it may be honest, and whereas it may be true, the statement has no virtue. It is trivial, and even mean spirited. Honestly may not always be the best thing. Remember what mama said?  "If you don't have something good to say don't say ,don't say anything at all" That's very true. My beliefs may not be right for you, but love and kindness is right for us all.

Finally, I want to share some things I've found that are solutions to such feelings. It takes honesty, no matter what, and it takes knowing its all about you. I'm gonna follow Michael Jackson, and  start with the woman in the mirror. All this talk preceded a solution because its important to know we have a huge part in making that change. This is not like taking a pill and forgetting about the problem. It's up to us to try. Let's try the  following points. We can take a week on each point, with happy places in between. 

1. Recognise that it is not likely that we will like everyone, nor will everyone like us.

I think of what peer pressure was like. The thing was to get to sit at the table with the cool kids. Usually, it rarely happened, and if it did, there was always the problem of fitting in. Most (uncool) kids never really liked the cool kids, they only liked the image they represented. Life would have been better if they had been honest, and confessed, that was not the table for them. They didn't like the cool kids and the cool kids didn't like them. I'm talking through the eyes of a nerdy educator. This has gone on for years.

The thing is, the nerdy kids had to not like who they were. That is the reason they sought to sit with another group. What if they had recognised their own qualities, and built upon whom they were? The situation may have been in reverse. Usually, we like the image. However, we have to start by loving/liking who we are. Once we accept who we are we will understand that everyone will not appreciate us, nor will we appreciate everyone. That is not likely at all!

Upon accepting ourselves, it is easy to respect people even though we don't like them, and they don't like us.It is honest to admit that to yourself. When you are able to admit that you just plain old don't like someone,  you are okay.  You are okay because you have reached a level of honesty most of us will not or cannot admit too. Your life is not dependent upon whether or not you and all people people like each other. That is not logical. You cannot love your neighbour as you love yourself, if you don't first love yourself. So, lets start by finding three things you love about yourself. Don't worry about what anyone thinks.

Remember, what we like about most people is their character. What stings is when they are so opposite to our character, that they become threatening. They challenge who we are. and force us to be stronger. You are also opposite to them as well. It's like cultural clash. Don't worry about it. See it as night and day. Relax, because one cannot exist without the other. The goal is to learn to like yourself more that you dislike that person. More important than no harm. Do not harm the one you dislike, and do not harm yourself. Let's get moving. What are three things that you like about yourself?

You may comment if you like. Together we can discuss some things within each point. 
The cool thing to remember is "Nobody dies from terminal uniqueness" 

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